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About Us
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Manly Cards is an idea we’ve been harboring for a few years. Every time we had to buy a greeting card for a relative, our only choices were sappy, sentimental greeting cards.
Ashamed of buying wimpy cards and explaining to relatives that “this was the most macho card I could find,” we decided to create our own—a line of cards that any man could give or receive. |
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You will never find flowers on Manly cards, unless they’re being trampled by something big or part of the design on a Hawaiian shirt. Nor will there ever be poetry, unless it’s an ode to beer. These are our promises to you.
And as always, we welcome your ideas for future greeting cards. |
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Manly Cards Biographies
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Name: Adam Vagley
Favorite Color: Unknown
Birthstone: Alexandrite
Organ Donor: Yes
Nemesis: Hallmark
Adam began selling his sister’s stuffed animals by the side of the road as a child and quickly moved on to larger business opportunities, including selling gently used Connect Four game sets and setting up an LLC at the age of 14 that sold plots of the local golf course to migrant workers. The latter venture resulted in what Mr. Vagley calls "several unfounded lawsuits."
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A great lover of animals, his New York City apartment is filled with mounts of endangered species he shot while on hunting trips to Africa, Asia, and South America. His most prized trophy is the Giant Panda, of which there are now fewer than 1,000 in the world, which he shot this past summer in China.
Adam also recently penned the bestselling self-help book "Modesty as an M.O.: How, Without Even Qualifying for Advanced Classes in High School, I Hijacked a Space Shuttle and Made Love to the Cosmos."
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Name: Chris Stewart
AKA: The Stew
Born: February 12, 1982
Signature Moves: Rock star kick, Getting punched in the face
Just as the phoenix rises from the ashes and is born anew, Chris Stewart (The Stew) crossed the threshold of life into this world with a bewildering entrance. Dressed head to toe in Zubaz print clothing, The Stew was embraced not just by his mother and father, but by the entire world.
The toddler years for The Stew coincided with the greatest decade in the history of the world…the 1980s. The Stew was a sponge, soaking in as much 80s awesomeness as possible, only to unleash his knowledge and “Rock” upon society 20 years later. Today The Stew still dominates the scene clad in Zubaz, brandishing an almost preternatural ability to rock star kick harder than David Lee Roth and Brett Michaels combined.
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Likes:
Dislikes:
Favorite Historical Figure:
Favorite Color:
Future Aspirations: |
Rock Music, Sandwiches, Steelers Football
Reality TV, Work, Paper Cuts
Al Bundy
White
For Google to buy Manly Cards for $64 billion |
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Name: GERALD ANDREW SABATINI
Aliases: FIFTY, STALLION, RELENTLESS
Height: 5' 8" AND THAT'S MEASURED FO REAL LEGIT DON'T EVER CALL ME OUT
Weight: 50
Bench: 50
Strengths: COFFEE, PANTERA, CAPITAL LETTERS, RETURNING PHONE CALLS
Weaknesses: WEAKNESS IS A LUXURY 50 CAN'T AFFORD
50 EATS TIL IT HURTS THEN HAS DESSERT.
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BORN IN THE CITY OF BLACK AND GOLD. FED POLENTA LACED WITH PROTEIN OUT OF A BABY BOTTLE EMBLAZENED WITH THIS GRAPHIC OF THE TAZMANIAN DEVIL HOLDING A STEELERS FLAG IN ONE MUSCLED ARM, AN ITALIAN FLAG IN THE OTHER.
50'S SWEAT IS BROWN CAUSE HE DRINKS MORE COFFEE THAN YOU.
50 SWEATS LOTS.
50 WAS A HIGHSCHOOL FOOTBALL PHENOM SELF-DESCRIBED AS RELENTLESS. WHEN TEAMED UP WITH BROTHER PHIL, THEY BECAME THE INFAMOUS 'DOUBLE TROUBLE'. A 6' X 8' POSTER WAS MADE AND HUNG ON SOME REALLY INTENSE GARAGE DOORS. TRUE STORY. NEIGHBORS PEED THEIR PANTS BECAUSE OF THE FLAGRANT ACT OF BADASSERY COMMITTED BEFORE THEIR EYES. ULTRA-MEGA TRUE STORY OOPS MAYBE YOU SHOULD CHANGE YOUR TROUSERS YOU SEEM TO HAVE PEED FROM THE BADASSERY TOO.
50 PREFERS…NO--50 DEMANDS DELICIOUS FIRE BREWED STROH'S BEER.
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Name: John Anthony Fitchwell, Jr.
Alias: Fong, Digital Fong, John Fontana Fong
Height: 5'7"
Weight: 160
Bench: 270
Strengths: Intensity, Pushups, Smoothies
Weaknesses: Hangovers, Sealing the Deal, Laguna Beach
On June 28, 1980 a one John Anthony Fitchwell Jr. was born into this world. A fitness buff, Fong was destined to dominate every gym he ever stepped foot in, performing calisthenics as a fetus and taking steroids at the age of 2.
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It’s a little known fact that in 1984 James Cameron first approached a young Fong to play the role of the Terminator, but Fong turned it down because he had already been to the future and destroyed the Cyborg race, stating that "Cameron's script is full of shit".
Fong would lay low for another 17 years, until—another little known fact—the U.S. government sent Fong to Iraq where he quickly defeated its army with a Swiss army knife and two matches. Currently Fong is biding his time until his 50th Birthday, when he will finally be allowed to fight in the UFC, since scientific tests have found that until then his hands are considered nuclear weapons and it would just be unfair.
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Name: Scott Frye
Nicknames: Scotty, International Scotty
Birthday: April 20, 1981
Current Residence: Maryland
Prior Residences: Pennsylvania, New Mexico, Idaho
Likes: Alka-Seltzer Morning Relief, Miniature Horses
Dislikes: Crème d’ Menthe, Aardvarks
Life Changing Event: Getting hit by a Chrysler LeBaron when 7 years old
Notable Personal Achievement: Winning the Hartford Heights Elementary School Balloon Release Contest in 1988
Notable Athletic Achievement: Third leading rebounder in the Idaho Falls, ID 14-15 Year Old YMCA Basketball League in 1996
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Little Known Facts:
• Once placed 6th in the Children’s Individual Division of the Westmoreland County
Gymkana Open
• Placed 2nd in the Southeastern Idaho Mark-Paul Gosselaar Look-alike Contest
• Made a cameo on Nickelodeon hit “Hey Dude"
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Name: Ryan Ehrlich
Aliases: The Ehrl, #10
Height: 6'
Weight: 180
Bench: 80 Stones
Strengths: Owning the Fong in any task, Shotgunning beers, Grilling meat
Weaknesses: Right knee, Malt Beverages, Soft pretzels
Ryan Ehrlich grew up on the mean streets of a town called Oakmont, PA where men wear a good thick mustache and Natty Light flows like water. He grew up under the tutelage of Mike "Bear Paws" Ehrlich, honing his abilities on the bowling lane and on the competitive eating circuit. |
By the age of 14, The Ehrl had become a master in the art of Aussie Rules Football and a three-time winner in the Pittsburgh Pierogie and Sauerkraut Eat-off. Unfortunately, Ehrlich's skills in the arts of Aussie Rules Football and eating could not protect him from consistent bodily injury. Injuries include tearing shoulder ligaments, getting shot in the eye with a paintball, and tearing his ACL skiing.
Today Ryan resides in the dirty south capital, Hotlanta, GA. Many of the big-time ballers, like Ludacris and Outkast, tried recruiting Ryan for their posse, but he instead opted to create a posse of his own called the Rusty Trombones. The Rusty Trombones are known for drinking Sparks at all hours of the day and for grilling massive amounts of meat on the grill for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
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